


To have and to hold

by obsidiane_g



Category: Vikings (TV)
Genre: F/M, Reader-Insert, Self-Insert
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-20
Updated: 2021-03-03
Packaged: 2021-03-13 11:42:11
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 3
Words: 5,244
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29401425
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/obsidiane_g/pseuds/obsidiane_g
Summary: What if Athelstan had a child with a viking girl who died at childbird way before he knew Queen Judith?Being daughter of Athelstan gave you the benefit of Ragnar's family love and closeness to his sons.But maybe too close.
Relationships: Aslaug/Lagertha (Vikings), Athelstan/Ragnar Lothbrok, Bjorn (Vikings)/You, Hvitserk (Vikings)/Reader, Ivar (Vikings)/Reader, Lagertha (Vikings)/Reader, Lagertha/Ragnar Lothbrok, Ragnar Lothbrok/Reader, Sigurd (Vikings)/You, THIS IS A HVITSERK X READER STORY SUE ME, Ubbe (Vikings)/Reader
Comments: 4
Kudos: 12





	1. Prologue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What it is normal to you now, wasn't always that way.  
> Another time and another home...once  
> This is how you ended where you are now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You are the same age as Sigurd.  
> So Ubbe has 12, Hvitserk 10, Sigurd 7 and Ivar 5  
> I'm taking some liberties with the ages and the timeline, because even when cannon Sigurd has like 5 when this take place, there is NO WAY THAT CHILD ACTOR IS 5 and because the Vikings timeline and age gaps is all over the place  
> Tags will be changing as i post. Any mispelled words or gramatical errors, english is not my first language so bear with me my folk uwu  
> this is a very loosely self insert love story because i happen to be in love with one of the Ragnarssons, but i won't tell you wich one right of the bat.

_-you were born on a summer night when the moon shone full like a beacon over the dark sea and the starlight fell over your face like a touch of Odin's love.That’s how the night gave you beauty and wisdom, because the night holds all secrets to be guarded. The moon made your heart gentle and bright, and your eyes big to see the goodness in others, but to be careful of ill intention. The sea made you brave and strong, and the stars said they would lead your steps to great fate. It is written in the sky my child, and your mother watches you from the stars with loving gaze._

Your father’s voice was gentle every time he told you the story of your birth, before leaning for a forehead kiss to put you to sleep.

Sometimes you still dream of your father's gentle eyes.

The soft curve of his jaw, the way his lips always had a smile waiting for you to catch. The way his beard made you tickle every time he kissed your cheeks, causing you giggles, filling the little hut with laughter and sweetness.

His unconditional love still lingering over your head. His words carved within your ribs like a prayer.

Athelstan was a loving father, soft and caring. As soon as the midwife told him your mother didn't make it through the childbirth, he held you in his arms and promised to the gods and god that he would love you for both him and your mother.

So, he did. As you grew, he taught you about the gods, about the valkyries and the Aesir where father of all lived in infinite wisdom. Then, he told you about fate and choosings, about bravery and fellowship; but he also teached you about his own world, where the Christian god ruled in heaven and how men and women were to live with kindness and love in their hearts. He taught you about his language, and the speaking of Frankia and Spain.

Under his guard you had learn how to write and read. How to draw what your eyes had seen with coal and the art of many empires, their kings and princesses. He told you about great kingdoms in faraway lands, how the viking law worked in fair paid, how the stars made maps in the sky and the birds announced the spring.  
  
In between his fatherly love and your surroundings stood king Ragnar.   
You couldn't really remember the time you had met him, because like your father, he simply was always there.  
His blue incandescent eyes searching for you in the great hall, his callous hands holding a knife, carving a swan on a piece of wood as a gift for you to have. Always “little one this” and “little bird that”.  
And as you loved your father dearly, your heart had a little space just for Ragnar, plagued with questions and enigmas. Always searching for more, always wanting to know it all. Sitting by your side, learning about other kingdoms with you, much to Athelstan amusement.  
  
Yet sometimes Ragnar would look at you lost in a memory, his eyes big and tearful, something within him utterly heartbroken, until your father touch his shoulder and smiled gently at him.

Athelstan and Ragnar loving gaze and you. Then you and the rest of the world.   
  
Knowing all those thing as you grew, only made you more curious for the world that surrounded you, so when Athelstan found you playing swords with Ivar a Sigurd he was truly somehow thankful that you would be a strong woman someday, in body and mind, capable of take care of yourself. His own admiration for Lagertha projected in your future as a vision of happiness and a incredible fate for his little girl.   
-i will be a shieldmaiden!   
-yes, i'm sure you will, the fiercest of them!  
-i will fight by your side father!   
-yes, you will. But wouldn't i be too old by then? Maybe you will be protecting me.  
-hmmm, I don’t think so. Ragnar is old and he still fights.  
Your father laugh resonated in the forest, too entertained to scold you.  
-may he not hear you, little bird! He is your king after all.  
-But he is my friend!  
-And yet, he’s still our king. So, let’s keep his age a secret, shall we?  
A space in Athelstan’s heart he didn’t even knew he had, was soon filled with the love for his child. A feeling no other could ever compare. He would see you grow and thrive and maybe one day you would stand by Ragnar's sons the same way he stood by his friend.  
  
Until he wasn't by Ragnar's side anymore  
Until he wasn't anywhere to be found.   
Then you became an orphan.   
  
____________________________________________________________________________

Autumn was muddy and humid, the clouds announcing rain were enough sign for you to take your wool cape before leaving the hut.  
The children were out playing. Sigurd had come asking for you early that morning, so after asking your father for permission to go outside, you took your little wooden swan and leave with him and Hvitserk, all in a mission to rob some apples from a farmer’s tree.  
It was all fun and jokes, until everything turned into chaos when a fight left you covered in mud, with your hair a mess full of straw and dirt, so you decided it was time to go back home, only to find Ragnar sit by your door.  
-Hi there, little one.   
-hello Ragnar friend - you said panting from all the running, a smile stretched across your cheeks, despite the pain from the fist you got minutes before -Did you come to eat too? Are you hungry?  
-No, no. I must talk to you, little bird. It’s important.  
-Oh…I’m in trouble?  
-well…kind of -he said more to himself than you -come here, little one.   
You stepped in his direction with a nod, eyes big like moons in your round face. Ragnar took you to sit you on his lap, looking at you with profound sorrow.   
-Your father…died this morning, little one. He was…he was killed, someone attacked him and he just... You cannot enter the hut now. The thralls are cleaning the mess it was made.  
It was something very strange to face really. In time you understood the real meaning of his death and the toll it took on your young heart, yet your childish mind didn’t process the loneliness as soon as a grown up would, the meaning of death still too abstract for a child  
-Can I say goodbye to him? -your voice tiny and sad.   
-yes, you will. He is still inside. I’ll give you some time to share your farewell. Then, I’m going to give him a proper burial.  
-D-do…do you think I’m going to see him again?  
-i don't know. You know your father wanted to go to heaven...but we are vikings, you and i, so we are going to valhalla one day.   
-Maybe he changes his mind and will wait for us in Odin's halls.  
-It could be. He was a remarkable man. I’m sure he could do something like that.  
Fat tears filled your eyes, and you hid your face against Ragnar’s chest trying to contain the sadness that overwhelm you, but it was impossible. For a moment it occurred to you that maybe your body was still too small for that much sorrow.  
\- I’m i alone now?   
-No, little one. You are not alone...-Ragnar smiled at you, stroking your hair -I had a daughter once...Her name was Gyda -his gentle voice trembled when he spoke her name -She was the only daughter I’ve ever had. Smart and sweet like you. Her hair was chestnut with sparks of gold in the roots. She was beautiful as a princess and I loved her with all my heart.  
-More than the boys?   
Ragnar laughed at that comment.  
-probably. Sometimes i think the boys try their best to prove who's the most stupid of them -his eyes open wide, making you smile a little.  
-Did she look like you?   
-A little. Sigurd has a lot of her in his face, but her eyes where green like Hvitserk's and she was soft and gentle...like Ubbe. A little of her lives in her brothers.   
-where is she now?   
-In Valhalla, I’m sure. She was brave and clever…like her mother.  
-I'm sorry your daughter died.   
-and I’m sorry that your father is gone. But since they are both dead, I think that the best for us is to stay together as a family ¿don't you think?   
You nodded at the idea.   
-So, we are family then?   
-Yes! But…Will I be a Ragnarsdóttir?  
-you can still be Athelstandóttir. I’m sure your father wouldn’t appreciate me taking that away from you.  
Ragnar kissed your forehead before talking again.  
-I loved your father, little bird. He changed my life, and I promise you this: i will repay everything he did for me, all his love by loving you as my own child. The fire in my home will always be lit for you to find warm, there will be always a place for you at my table, and my family will be your family. What do you say?   
-It's fine, I will be good.  
-I know you will.  
-but…i don't want to play with your sons ever again.   
-why is that? I thought we were going to be incredibly happy now!   
-I know, but today Sigurd told me i couldn't climb a stupid tree because i'm not strong and when i tried i fell, and Ivar mocked me and told me i was a stupid girl, so i pushed him out of his stupid sled and he began to cry, and Sigurd began to scream at me that i was wicked for hitting a cripple boy, so Hvitserk got angry at me and pulled my hair and kick me into the mud. So, i cried…because it hurt me, and Ubbe told me I cannot play with them anymore.   
-That was a whole lot of trouble for only one little girl -Ragnar looked almost impressed -But don't be mad at them. I know Ivar aches for his legs, but i also know sometimes he use them as an excuse to misbehave. They are dumb boys, but you are smart. A smart girl. You can speak other languages, and you can write and sing, and you know the story of the world. Maybe Sigurd is right, maybe you aren't strong enough to climb a tree, but you are strong here in your head...and in your heart. Just like your father.   
-Thank you, Ragnar. Am i going to live with you now?  
-well, yes. You are still too small to live on your own. So, help me pick up your things. We are going home.


	2. Small sailings and secret promises

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Not so wonderful news.  
> Sigurd being Sigurd as always.  
> Bjorn being an awful father.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapters will be for context, and to stablish the relationships between our babies before the drama.  
> I warn you from now, ANGS it's my favorite flavor.

  
-(Y/N)! you better hurry up! -Sigurd's voice rushed you into the forest. He and his brothers running to the ponds where the ship race would take place.  
-Come on, Siggy! you want me to carry you? Wait for me, Sigurd!   
In the months following your arrival to the great hall, you not only had accustomed to the boy’s antics, but also had taken the role of older sister to Siggy. For some reason, your own loneliness and abandonment resonating with her's and in your childish mind, you began to behave somewhat like the mother you didn't had. You started by bathing her, brushing her hair and eventually she began to sleep in the same bed with you and follow you around. 

Taking the still baby girl onto your back, you rushed through rocks and mud until you reached the Ragnarssons.   
-Why you never wait for me! i was carrying Siggy!  
-Well, nobody asked you to do so -replied Ivar sitting in the shore. His sled too heavy to be carried through the rocks.   
-nobody wanted to carry you either and yet here you are.  
-Siggy is stupid, at least i'm smart!  
-said no one ever -Sigurd's tongue was quicker than any adult you knew, sometimes a little too bitter for a seven-year-old.   
-stop it! -Ubbe ordered putting the little wooden ships in the water -mine is the blue one!   
-I'll go with Ubbe! -said Ivar excited, crawling to a higher rock, away from the water but with good vision.  
-mine is the green one. I drew a star in the sail -whispered Hvitserk completely sure of his eventual success- It will make it faster!   
-how is that going to make it faster, Hvit? -you questioned watching the little boat barely floating, tumbling side to side over the little waves, in comparison to Ubbe's who stood firmly on the surface.   
-i just know! -he replied with a sheepishly smile. -I bet it pleases the gods.   
-i don't know, Hvitserk. I don't believe the gods will be all over for a simple star. I'll go with Ubbe. -Sigurd's voice sounded skeptical to Hvitserk's poor explanation and lack of logic.   
-Me and Siggy will go with Hvitserk's.   
-Why? it's obvious he's already sinking -whispered Sigurd at your side incredulously.   
-I just think his boat it's prettier -you said with a shrug -besides, someone has to be on his side.   
-Yeah, it's pretty...pretty sunk already -Ivar replied from above.  
  
The race started, and the children's screams, cheers and laughs filled the shore. Surprisingly, Ubbe's boat got tangled in some seaweeds just when it was about to finish, and Hvitserk's slow sinking little sad ship made it to the end between the angry screams of Ivar and Hvitserk joyful chants.   
-I told you the gods were on my side! wohoooooa! -screamed the blonde boy taking his toy from the water.   
-It’s not fair. I'm hungry, can we go home now? -asked Ivar with a contorted face. The same he did when the cold started to get into his legs and the pain began to be unbearable.   
-yeah. I'm hungry too -replied Sigurd.  
-Ubbe, would you carry Siggy back?   
-Sorry, (Y/N) I'm taking Ivar, he's bigger.   
-I'll take her -Hvitserk told you taking the baby on his back. Being 3 years older than you, he was almost a head taller, and your personal experience had shown you that the difference between the two of you was big, so it wasn't a heavy task for him as it was for you. You watched as he balanced himself through the rocky shore into the woods and remembered how last time he beat you, you ended up covered in mud and crying ashamed that you didn't even had the chance to slap him back.

Luckily for you, Hvitserk and Ubbe rarely fighted you, Not only were they much older, but also their temper were much more chill and kinder than Sigurd and Ivar's. And the gods had seen you and Sigurd wallow in the mud like animals, thrashing clothes and pulling hair, but it was fine. Even before your father's death, Sigurd was already your best friend and all your fights ended with the two of you getting in trouble and everything else together-you should carry the boats though. 

You all walked back to the houses like a little marching army of tiny people. Screaming and laughing between Sigurd's songs and Hvitserk stupid jokes. Ivar drift off on his brother's back, too tired and pained to stay awake, so eventually the noise stopped until you all reached the town.   
-There you are children. Where were you? I thought you all had sailed away -joked Ragnar, taking sleeping Ivar from Ubbe's back -your mother was worried. Come inside, let's eat. It's freezing outside.   
  
Siting at the table in the great hall you tried to stay closer to Ragnar and avoid at all cost Aslaug's eyes. From the moment you had entered de great hall, the queen had been very reluctant about having another child at home. Heavily worried about Ivar's health at all times, she didn't had much time for her own children, less for Siggy and you. Still, being the only daughter of a lonesome man had taught you some independence that came very handy right now. You did wash yourself alone and sometimes you helped the thralls in the kitchen just to be useful and to learn how to cook. Your father had been very clear when he told you hunting, and cooking were indeed important skills to have. More than reading even.   
  
-So -Ragnar began -it's been decided that Ubbe and Hvitserk are old enough to come with me on raid. It is time for you two to become men. Sigurd, you will stay in Kattegat to look after your mother and the girls.   
-but i want to go with you!   
-you are not ready yet. Still too small, my son. But one day, you and (Y/N) will come too. Both as a warrior and a shieldmaiden.   
-it's not fair -Sigurd sounded disappointed.  
-It is. Everything has it's time. We part in four days. Now, let's eat.   
  
___________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________  
  
-It's not fair. I will be staying here with mother, and the only thing she does is being all over Ivar all the time. My brothers still don't leave Kattegat and i'm already bored.   
-i'm sorry i'm not that funny to be around -you told him rolling your eyes.   
The thrall who run the kitchen had asked you for some mushrooms, so Sigurd made you company meanwhile you filled your little basket.   
-it's not like that, but you are a girl, and you are afraid of spiders and you always carry Siggy around and it is annoying.   
-She's family. And she doesn't have a mother, Sigurd.  
-So? you don't have any parents, and besides, it's not like Bjorn is dead. He should be taking care of her.   
-But he doesn't, someone must do it. My father always told me one cannot wait for others to do what’s right.  
-but an adult should be doing it! They are supposed to take care of children, not the other way around. We are actually very little, you know?  
-I know, but...look. Ubbe takes care of all of us, always. it's the way it is. Siggy would be alone if a don't carry her with me.   
-...I guess so.   
The brown mushrooms grew in the trunk of a tall tree, so standing in your tip toe you tried to reach the higher ones with a little knife.  
-give me -ordered Sigurd, taking the knife from your hands to cut the mushrooms out of your reach.   
-Thanks.  
-take them-the boy handed you the little vegetables not without a tender smile. -at least we will be together, don't we?   
You just nodded, a sheepishly smile creeping to your eyes, a little embarrassed about your silly little crush on the blonde boy.   
-w-we are best friends, don't we, Sigurd?   
-yeah...but...-the color raised to his ears as he began walking back to the village. Following him behind, you nearly stumped yourself against his back when he stopped dead on his tracks -do you think we'll marry someday? -the boy asked without trepidation, his tone very certain for a question.   
-w-why do you think that?   
-i don't know. Father and Bjorn always say it. But I told them we are friends.  
-... your father is a little weird sometimes.   
-Everyone in my family is weird -Sigurd rolled his eyes -Except Ubbe. Ubbe is nice.   
\- Ubbe is good. So is Hvitserk. I'm going to miss them. And I’m worried about them.   
-are you scared?   
You didn't answer back. Your father still warm on his grave and the mother you didn't knew was more than enough lost. Losing the boys or their father would take a toll on your heart.   
-I know -he told you, putting his little hand in your shoulder -but Ubbe is smart, and Hvit is brave. Father will take care of them.   
-and who's going to take care of your father?   
-...pfffffff, have you seen Bjorn? He killed a bear with a knife once. A BEAR.   
You both headed home as Sigurd filled your head with stories about his brother and his grandfather, your attention no longer on the question the boy had come with.   
Back at the great hall, the thralls were all over the place, preparing everything for the ships to sail the next day. Ragnar himself was visited by many earls, jarls and even some other kings, so the feast before their departure was very promising and you were excited about the prospect, even when you would probably be asleep before the feast even began.   
  
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

The full moon guarded the night as the many visitors entered the great hall to celebrate the next raid to Frankia. The hall was warm and bright, full of life and laughter that resonated through Kattegat streets.  
It was too late nonetheless, Athelstan's care and discipline too embedded in you still, so you never stayed awake into the night. As soon as the sun fell and the warmness of the day recede, you began to drift away.  
Dreaming about your father, your little hut and little sailing ships, the noise of the feast lingering in the background of your dreams, just as quiet as Siggy's breathing at your side. The moonlight entering your little room, carving forms in the shadows surrounding your bed.  
The soft noise of the leather curtain didn't wake you, neither did the little steps entering your room, or the faint creaking of the floor when someone kneeled at your side.   
- _i don't want you to be sad...or scared_ -the soft whisper came to you in the middle of your dreams. - _We are vikings and this is what we do. And you are a viking too_.- A little hand brushing the hair of your face, so lightly and so soft it could have been some breeze from the window - _someday when we grow older, you'll be a beautiful shieldmaiden and i will be a great warrior, like my father; and you and i will be always together._  
You woke up startled by the flapping wings of a sudden raven on your window, the feeling that someone else's presence still in your room. The bird caw once before flying away, as you touched your cheek to the lingering warmness of a silent kiss.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There is it, you can arrest me now uwu. 
> 
> In other news! i've made some vikings scenes paintings, so it would be very nice of any of you to give some support! 
> 
> https://beware-thecrow.tumblr.com/post/643867877354635264/i-painted-my-boy-before-ivar-destroyed-his-life  
> https://beware-thecrow.tumblr.com/post/643278663535771648/hvitserk-im-in-love-with-marco-ils%C3%B8-so-i-painted  
> https://beware-thecrow.tumblr.com/post/642488304766451712/ivar-the-boneless
> 
> jsjsjs, i have an artist account on insta but i have like this three works in there only, but you can follow me there too  
> https://www.instagram.com/g.larart/
> 
> That would be for now!


	3. Green warnings and dark tides

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ubbe and Hvitserk go to Frankia with Ragnar.

It was a complete chaos.

Kattegat's streets filled with women, men and children, all ready to say their farewell to the warriors who would accompany Ragnar in his raid to Frankia. It was quite a look to see everyone so excited about it that for a moment you wished could to sail too.

It was a busy morning in the hall’s kitchen, of course.

In a little attempt to be useful and stay out of Aslaug’s sight, you had committed your mornings to the kitchen, being helpful to Inga, the cooker. So, your days began very early to help with breakfast before running back to your room to prepare Siggy and eat at the table with the rest of the family.

Ragnar knew about your new way spending time, of course. But after talking to the thralls, he concluded that in the worst-case scenario, such habits would make a responsible and independent woman of you, so he allowed you silently.  
As for Aslaug, in a way she remained satisfied with your attempts. You weren’t a troublemaker and the fact that you could take care of your basics was enough for her to appreciate that you weren’t another burden.

Thinking about sailings and warriors, you walked back to the hall, carrying the bucket of fresh milk Inga had ask you for that morning, when you felt the sharp pain of a stone thrown at you.  
-what are you doing, Christian? -The blonde boy asked you with a wicked grin plastered on his face. -are you a thrall now?  
-leave me alone, Lars -You retorted trying to hold the bucket tight against your torso.  
-You do look like a christian thrall. Just like your father -The boy charged at you, hitting you with a wooden sword on your legs, hard enough for you to scream.  
-I said leave me alone!  
-or what? Are you going to call your boyfriend Sigurd to stop me? He’s still recovering for the beating I gave him last week, I’m sure.  
-You hit him with your stupid friends when he was alone!  
-And he screamed like a baby! Just like you! -the stick found it’s way to your head, opening a wound on your forehead, the blood spilling over the milk -what will you do now that Ubbe and Hvitserk will no longer be here to babysit you, huh?  
Fat tears began to form in your eyes. Inga would never feed that milk to the royal family, so any attempt to protect the bucket was useless now. You let the milk fall over the mud, before charging against your bully with blind rage.  
-You wicked monster! -you screamed pulling his hair, both falling into the mud. Yet, he was bigger and stronger, so it didn’t take much for him to punch you back before stand and kick you in the stomach.  
-You Christian bitch! You are nothing but a filthy thr…-suddenly, the boy fell beside you. Behind the muddy hair covering your face, you could see someone punching him senseless in the face.  
-How dare you! -he screamed his lungs out without stopping.  
There was only one boy who could beat the shit out of someone so madly enraged.  
-Hvitserk! -you cried trying to stand up, despite the nausea filling your throat.  
-Fight me! Fight me coward! -Hvitserk’s screamed banging the boy’s head against the rocky ground.  
-please, stop, please! -Lars cried below the prince, face swollen and mouth bloodied.  
The little prince wild breath and the sound of his fist against Lars’s face was the only thing you could hear. The way Hvitserk could simply let go of himself while fighting as a child was nothing more than some early sign of the complete brutality which he would run into battle as an adult.  
-Hvitserk, stop! You are going to get in trouble! -Your little hands found their way to his shoulders trying to get him of the other boy -let’s go home! Let him go!  
-Never touch any of my brothers, you hear me?! And don’t you ever look at her again!  
The boy stood up before picking up the bucket and pull you by the arm back home.  
-Hvitserk! Wait! Stop it!  
-What!?  
-Calm down! -you retorted stopping suddenly -it hurts!  
The boy gave you a look top to bottom, before reaching your face softly to see the deep cut on your forehead.  
-are you fine? -his voice a stream of softness again.  
He was always like this. Gentle and carefree, all jokes and snacks. His temper was lighter than Ubbe’s, too chill to take anything seriously. It wasn’t until someone hurt his little bothers that he went ballistic, that you had learn the hard way, but in general he stood out of trouble for the most part...Too sweet and caring in his ways.  
-I mean…I can walk.  
-I can carry you on my back…if you want -the color crept into his face, but he was to brave to let you see his embarrassment.  
-t-that would be nice…  
-Come here -he bent one knee to lower himself so you could climb on his back -Inga is going to kill you when we get back -he commented distracted.  
-she will yell at me…probably -you said with muffled voice, your face hidden against his golden hair. It was weird to you how he always managed to smell like apples, even covered in mud and blood.  
-why did Lars hit you?  
-he always mock me for whatever reason he finds. Because I’m tall, because I don’t have parents, because my father was a saxon, because of my hair, because of my eyes, because of Sigurd…  
-What does Sigurd has to do in all of that?  
-I don’t know! He always says he’s my boyfriend. People sometimes think we will marry one day.  
Hvitserk trippe over a small root for a moment, before composing himself again, making you jump in his back, trying to accommodate you again.  
-You believe that?  
-What?  
-T-that you and Sig…will…  
-I don’t know -you answered truly confused -I mean…he has nice hair, I suppose?   
-what does that mean?  
-I don't know? husbands and wives are supposed to be in love i guess.  
-hmm…I thought you two were friends.  
-we are. The best friends in Midgard.  
He swallow nervously before looking as his clothing.  
-Mother will yell at me for being all dirty.  
-She will yell at both for making trouble.  
He shrugged turning his head to see you. His green eyes where always calming. Somehow, you knew he would find a way to make this funny eventually.  
-Hvitserk…  
-hmmm?  
-thanks for defending me. You are a good big brother.  
The two of you reached the great hall, so you went off his back before stepping inside ready to be scolded, when his voice reached your ears just as he passed through the doors.  
-…we are not brothers.  
___________________________________________________________________  
  
-My beloved children. My charming son and my beautiful ward -Ragnar rolled his eyes and tilted his head in one of his classic expressions of sarcasm -both, covered in blood, mud and…-he smelled your head briefly -milk. You look like if you two fought a cow…and lost.  
-Father…  
-I mean, you can if you want. I could even make a law about it…since I’m the king, but maybe we could try another day when we are not about to sail. Hm?  
-Yes, father.  
-Yes, Ragnar.  
-Now, you, little bird, go and wash yourself, clean that wound. We are going to eat and then we’ll be heading to the docks.  
-Yes, Ragnar -you said as the thrall took you to take a quick bath. Yet, your attention still on Ragnar’s and Hvitserk’s words.  
-I’m very proud of you, my son…  
The rest of their conversation dissipating in the distance, as you headed to your room, where Siggy was still sleeping.  
  
______________________________________________________________________  
  
The ships glided silently over the dark tide. The best warriors and shieldmaidens of Kattegat sailing to distant shores, all dreamers of the conquest of Frankia; a place your own father had implanted in Ragnar’s head.  
And yet…you couldn’t shake the cold feeling of dread in your heart.   
The men began singing in the docks far below the rock where you stood.  
_"An eleventh I know,  
if needs I must lead  
To the fight my long-loved friends;  
I sing in the shields,   
and in strength they go  
Whole to the field of fight,  
Whole from the field of fight,  
And whole they come thence home"_

You saw the ships getting smaller in the distance as the fjord extended through the cliffs at your feet, leaving behind your very own heart clouded in doubt and fear…and a curious memory over everything else…

Hvitserk’s light green eyes watching you silently as the ship grew distant from the shore. A strange sadness pooling like cold water in your stomach.

Sigurd stood quietly by his regal mother, the queen holding Ivar in his sled high enough for him to see his father sailing away into the open sea.


End file.
